Too often lately we hear about a suicide in Hollywood or in our own communities. It has become an epidemic. I do not claim to be an expert on this topic, but I’d like to share some resources so we can all become more aware, and possibly prevent this type of tragedy from happening within our families, workplaces, schools, or circles of friends.
Speaking from my own experience, I can tell you that it may not be easy to tell if someone is at risk of committing suicide. I have not spoken about this with anyone other than my family and closest friends, but it was not until much later after the fact. When I was going through a year-long divorce proceeding from my 17-year marriage in 2013, I contemplated suicide. It was the absolute lowest point in my life. During that time, I had many thoughts that were very irrational due to extreme stress, unspeakable betrayal, overwhelming loss and disconnection, shattered self-esteem, and fear of the unknown. I told no one about my suicidal thoughts, and no one suspected it. I am an extremely strong person, so everyone assumed that I would be fine and could handle it. I also never let on to anyone, not even my therapist, about how depressed I really was. If I can come close to that point, then anyone can.
I can honestly say that what prevented me from taking my own life were my dogs. I couldn’t leave them behind without someone who would care for them and love them the way I did. I just could not selfishly do that to them. From what I know, having something beyond ourselves is what keeps us going whether that be kids or dogs, a significant other, a calling to help others, or a higher purpose yet to be fulfilled. I know that this is true for me and what kept me going during the darkest time of my life. If you are experiencing a devastating circumstance in your life, please know that the intensity of the pain you are feeling now will lessen over time.
The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky says that only 10% of our overall happiness comes from our life circumstances such as our income, health, type of job, marital status, etc. Our genetically determined happiness set point makes up about 50% of our overall happiness, and cannot be changed. Some people have higher or lower set points than others. People who have lower than average happiness set points may suffer from chronic depression. If you are experiencing temporary or chronic depression, please seek the help of a medical professional and/or therapist, as depression is very treatable.
The good news is that we can control 40% of our overall happiness level through intentional activity – behaviors of our choosing. This is what helped me through the worst time in my life. I made a conscious effort to engage in activities that would elevate my mood, including listening to Dr. Robert Anthony’s audio programs Mastering Your Inner Game and The Secret of Deliberate Creation on a daily basis. I truly believe his programs saved my life. By listening to them daily, I renewed my hope, regained my faith, strengthened my spirit, and changed my entire perspective on life. (The How of Happiness gives many more examples of intentional activities that increase happiness levels.) I also spent as much time as I could around other people because I knew that isolation would only contribute to my loneliness and depression.
According to WedMD, these are the warning signs of someone who is at risk of committing suicide:
According to WebMD, “Suicide rates are highest in teens, young adults, and the elderly. White men over the age of 65 have the highest rate of suicide. Although women are three times as likely to attempt suicide, men are far more likely to complete the act.”
Suicide risk is also higher in these groups:
I would also add to this list, members of the Armed Forces who served in combat or have comrades who died in combat.
According to WedMD, this is what to do if you think someone is suicidal:
Suicide Hotlines:
I hope this newsletter helps someone who is considering suicide and saves even just one life. Please know that there is always someone you can reach out to, whether it’s a friend, relative, teacher, minister, therapist, coach, medical professional, or a crisis hotline. Please share this newsletter with anyone that you think it may help.
Since 2013, I have deliberately created the life I have always wanted, instead of just letting life happen to me. This includes owning my own business where I get to do the work I love and make a positive impact on other people every day, and finding the perfect partner to share the rest of my life with. If I had ended my life in 2013, I would not be living the amazing life I have now, nor would I be the person that I have become and am proud to be today. Out of the pain and hardship of our struggles, comes the beauty of strength, growth, and transformation. There is always light after the darkness, and sometimes it’s even brighter than we could have ever imagined.
“No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are always possible.” – George Chakiris
“Be strong because things will get better. It may be stormy now, but it can’t rain forever.” – Unknown
“Heroism is the triumph of spirit over circumstance.” – Neil A. Stroul, Ph.D.
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